I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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