Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
