I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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