she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
