your parents love me but you hate me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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