Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
