on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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