oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
