if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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