Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
