When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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