Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
