my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present