You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.