I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES