oh good, I think they're gone
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!