maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
