Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Church boner. Awkwardddd
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating