I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
