omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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