oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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