try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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