drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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