I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
