If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
