How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
