If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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