i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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