I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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