Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
