after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
