I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
