so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize