You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
