never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
