dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
