I wannas sexs uuuuu
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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