do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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