he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
