can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
