I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
