There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
