My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
