i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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