Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
