i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
