WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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