She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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