i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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