If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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