Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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