I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
