ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
