I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
