I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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