dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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