My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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