Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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