Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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