College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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