No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
