You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
