That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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