I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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