Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
