Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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