We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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