youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you never un-have a 4some
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
