I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
