I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
