We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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