So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
