help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
