i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
