Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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